Great British Bake Off
On Wednesday, it was the day every food lover was looking forward to – Great British Bake Off final day.
Over the past couple of months, amateur bakers were assigned to make specific desserts within a certain time limit. During that time, there has been a bit of controversy i.e. Bingate, which was when a contestant took another contestant’s Baked Alaska out of the freezer so that she can put hers in and absent-mindedly left it out. And this was the result:
I’d still eat it.
The contestant ended up putting his Baked Alaska in the bin. The country went absolutely mad. Who knew that leaving out a Baked Alaska out of a freezer would cause so much furore?
But melted Baked Alaskas weren’t the only thing viewers were talking about. There was innuendo…
…after innuendo…
…after innuendo.
Right. On to the final. First of all, the three finalists – Richard Burr, Luis Troyano and Nancy Birtwhistle – had to make a viennoiserie, which is a French pastry. Nancy made some croissants, Richard made some pain au chocolat and Luis made some, in his own words, pain au white chocolate. After a couple of hours of baking and Richard bashing his butter, there were some mixed reviews from Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry.
Next, they had to make 12 Victoria sandwiches, 12 tartes au citron and 12 scones. Another two hours included a lot of patching and Mary Berry saying that she’s not keen on thick pastries. The reviews were more praiseful for Luis and Nancy and more dissatisfied for Richard, whose “tartes au colon” weren’t up to scratch. Paul Hollywood was also very disappointed with the lack of piping in the final. Who doesn’t love piping?
Finally, the contestants had to make a pièce montée.
After arranging their croquembouches, their pièces montées were tasted and reviewed and Paul and Mary unanimously decided on a winner.
Who won? Nancy Birtwhistle!
An end to an innuendo-filled two months. Now, people are eagerly waiting for Norman’s autobiography. Looking forward to see what he says when Mary Berry tasted his wares.
The X Factor
On Saturday, wannabe singers show everyone their vocal talents live for the first time. Guiding them throughout are SImon Cowell, Mel B, Louis Walsh and Cheryl Cole. I know she’s now called “Cheryl Versini-Fernandez” but everyone’s going to call her “Cheryl Cole” anyway. Even her Wikipedia page agrees.
I didn’t watch The X Factor because I was busy doing nothing. And I’m also not a fan of it. So I am relying on the media and social networks. Thank heavens for the Internet.
The singers’ journey began with a number-one theme, singing #1 singles by legendary singers such as Elvis Presley, Simon & Garfunkel and Meghan Trainor. One talking point was Louis Walsh comparing Jay James to “a young Kevin Costner” after he sang Sigma and Paloma Faith’s recent #1 “Changing”.
Get your eyes tested, Louis.
Another talking point was an eight-piece boyband finally announcing their band name. Oh joy, another boyband. Exactly what this country needs. Their name? Stereo Kicks.
I wonder what the total amount of gel was used in their hair.
Their name, however, didn’t satisfy namesakes Rizzle Kicks.
After they sang their hearts out and damaged the viewers’ ears, two of the contestants had to go home. Who went home? A duo called Blonde Electra and some boyband called Overload Generation. And teenage girls across the country were crying into their pillows.
International break
Another week, another international break.
England restarted their Euro 2016 campaign against minnows San Marino. Here are some facts about San Marino:
- They have only ever won one game – a 1-0 victory over Liechtenstein in 2004.
- They have conceded at least 5 goals in a game 16 times in their last 30 games.
- They have conceded over 500 goals in over 120 games. They have also only ever scored 20 goals.
- Goalkeeper Aldo Simoncini and defender Davide Simoncini became the first twins to score an own goal in the same game in an international competition.
- Most of their team aren’t professional footballers:
So it should be pretty one-sided. And it was. England beat San Marino 5-0. Although, for some reason, Chris Kamara believed that a former NFL quarterback was to blame for the first goal.
Joe Hart didn’t have much to do. San Marino only had one shot for the whole 90 minutes. But that didn’t stop Hart from becoming man of the match!
Wayne Rooney celebrated becoming the first British athlete to reach 10 million followers on Twitter by scoring in the San Marino game. A few days before, he thanked all his fans for the feat.
He also impressed everyone with his Indonesian, Spanish and Italian skills.
Who’d have thought it, eh?
San Marino weren’t the only team England played this week. On Sunday, they played Estonia and beat them 1-0, courtesy of another goal by Wayne Rooney. However, one talking point was Roy Hodgson dropping Raheem Sterling from the first-team squad because he was a bit tired. A poor excuse but after watching the game, I wouldn’t be surprised if anyone fell asleep.
Also this week, Republic of Ireland played against UEFA’s newest members, Gibraltar. They lost their first game against Poland 7-0 (Gibraltar, not Ireland) and they were hoping to bounce back with a display. The result? 7-0 to Ireland, including a hat-trick in the opening 18 minutes from Robbie Keane.
A very bad day for Gibraltar goalkeeper, Jordan Perez. Particularly due to this own goal:
After Ireland scored their seventh goal, Perez had enough and he was subbed. But at least his substitute, Jamie Robba, kept a clean sheet.
There were also wins for Scotland and Northern Ireland against Georgia and Faroe Islands respectively and a draw for Wales against World Cup competitors Bosnia.
Kevin Pietersen
Kevin Pietersen’s autobiography caused a bit of a stir this week.
Here are the key points:
- He claimed there was a bullying culture within the England team, particularly by Graeme Swann, Stuart Broad and Matt Prior.
- He was disappointed in Alastair Cook following his departure from the England team.
- He was very upset with the parody Twitter account apparently set up by a friend of some of the England players, saying that it caused him to break down in tears.
- He criticised Andy Flower, claiming he was horrendous to work with.
- He is still hopeful of playing for England in the future.
Despite all that, Alastair Cook denied those allegations.
A lot of believed Kevin Pietersen and defended him, some did the opposite, some didn’t care. If what Kevin Pietersen said was actually true, why was there acrimony towards him? Was it because of the texting scandal? Who knows?
He wasn’t the only one whose autobiography was a hot topic. In Roy Keane’s autobiography, he lambasted Sir Alex Ferguson and said that he doesn’t think he will ever forgive Ferguson for his “pack of lies” regarding former Manchester United players including Keane and David Beckham.
He wrote his autobiography following the release of Sir Alex Ferguson’s autobiography last year. And evidently, it seems like he hasn’t showered nor shaven since then. But at least the beard’s gone now.
He also criticised Robbie Savage for this:
If you want to find out about the bottom of Ellis Short’s shoe, do it yourself.
At least Robbie Savage didn’t seem to bothered by it.
Bellogate
On Thursday morning, nearly 29,000 University College London students woke up with an email from their president, Michael Arthur, containing the word “bello”.
The university said that it wasn’t Arthur and the email could’ve been sent from someone else. Maybe a flirtatious Italian.
What was even more bizarre was “Bello” ended up signing up to random accounts, including a pornography talent site…
A dating site…
And Coldplay’s waiting list (which some people thought was the worst. Personally, I don’t understand why.)
Other emails included “Flight Attendant Bello” applying for rival university, King’s College London.
In fact, this was the extent of “bellogate”:
At least someone has had the time to ask everyone to find his missing ruler.
But at least UCL students found the funny side of this.
Thanks for reading. Here’s an article about a brilliant Simpsons Facebook comment thread.
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